The Trocadero: Just Blurt “No, merci.” Once A Minute And It’ll Be Fine

What has lovingly become known as the “stroke-a-dero” (or simply “the stroke” if you’re into the whole brevity thing) by young English speaking couples in love, this could possibly the absolute most romantic vantage point to see the glimmering Eiffel Tower at light up. Apparently, the name “Trocadero” signifies a place of trade or emporium. In this case, the name was given to the famous square to replace it’s old name which honored the fallen Roman Empire. Ain’t no use in that, really. Today the Trocadero is home to innumerable souvenir merchants (Use “No, merci.” liberally), flame spinners, capoeira dancers and savvy sightseers who want a less than typical Parisian night. While there are often tourists present, it is one of the less crowded attractions in this area as you can easily find a spot peer out over the azure fountain pools to see the Eiffel Tower. Incidentally, it is also a great place to swim or just frolic around in your underwear. When I went on a blisteringly hot day, nobody really seemed to be holding back (except for me, of course.) Regardless, this is one of the spots that keeps me coming back with an alarming frequency as it is one of the prime locations to relax, hang out with your friends and drink a bottle of wine under the lights of Paris. And now for my crowning photographic achievement:

The Seine on Bastille Day: Beautiful Fireworks, Patriotic Reverence and 800,000 Drunk Teenagers

It was an enlightening and encouraging event in my life, to be able to see how another country celebrated its independence. I have never been to the 4th of July celebration in Washington, D.C., so I cannot accurately compare the two holidays. But from my own personal experience, it was a welcome change from the gun toting, flag-brandishing nonsense I have seen in my own country. I love the U.S.A. so much. But sometimes I wish we could stand respectfully as a people and shut up for a second to appreciate what we have in the way of freedom, instead of “shotgunning” a Miller Highlife and blathering about secession (200 some odd years later). The scene was nothing short of magnificent as fireworks illuminated the sky to the sounds of John Williams compositions among others. Most of the crowd stood and watched the display without screaming, cursing or inciting riot, pausing only to cheer after a musical numbers had finished. Such patience I had not expected from such a large mass of people. This is sure to be one of my most distinctive memories of my stay in Paris. I had a perfect view as I was situated quite close to the Eiffel Tower and didn’t miss a second of the blossoming pyrotechnics. I think this was the night I took the most photos, but I will only give you the pleasure of seeing one of them.

Musée de Louvre: Prolonged Exposure May Cause Art Attack

Continuing with my cheesy motif, the Louvre is everything you could ever imagine it being, and more. It would have been better had I received a complimentary bag of potato chips at the door, but I managed to subsist on a diet of pure wonderment during my stay. Honestly, I wish I could take 10 or 15 trips to the Louvre. There is too much amazing artwork in there and most of it deserves more than my casual passing by. I was able to take some time to sit in front of many pieces, but there was so much more that I wanted to do. I think the best plan would be to become a night watchman there just to patrol around, get really familiar with the paintings and then wallow all day after work in a contemplative stupor. It was very nice to see the major attractions such as the Mona Lisa and The Venus De Milo, but even their magnetism didn’t undermine the fantastic collection of pieces in the museum. It is not even worth my time to try to mention all of them, for I would wind up listing most every significant artist from everywhere in the world from prehistory onward. The best part about that statement is that it is really not that much of an exaggeration. Ahhhh the Louvre. I can say without hesitation that is something that everyone should experience in their lifetime if they have the chance. Well worth the 9€.

http://www.louvre.fr/llv/commun/home_flash.jsp?bmLocale=en

The Musée Picasso: Stuff By Picasso. Owned by Picasso. Collected By Picasso. It’s Pretty Much A Lot Of Picasso. Picawesome.

In a fleeting moment of genius Picasso once said, “I am the greatest collector of Picassos in the world.” He then went on to have several hundred million more consecutive fleeting moments of genius before he died and bestowed his magnificent oeuvre upon the world. While this museum does not have all of Picasso’s most famous pieces, it is without a doubt comprehensive. The exhibits span a great deal of his career and is reflective of the many expressionistic stages he went through. On canvas or as a sculpture, it is clear that Picasso was to say the least, an extraordinary intelligence. This is evidenced in the work here in this museum. Perhaps the nicest thing for me was the inclusion of information about each work including the medium, year and collection. Additionally, these facts were presented in three different languages which made for a pleasant experience. Not intimidating at all like those jerks at the Louvre (by now you must know that my slandering is in jest.) If you are a fan of Picasso, I would HIGHLY recommend visiting this wonderful presentation of the man and his opus. If you don’t like Picasso, you should stay at home, look at the phone as if you might call someone, don’t call anyone, stay at home and do nothing.

http://www.musee-picasso.fr/

Arc de Triomphe de l’Etoile: The Metrosexual Older Brother of La Defense

Simply put, the Arc de Triomphe is awe-inspiring. Following the time-honored tenets of “Little Man Syndrome,” Napoleon ordered the construction of this enormous monument in 1806 to honor the French army. This is perhaps the only good thing to ever come out of an arrogant cocktail including delusions of grandeur and an inferiority complex. For that, ol’ Napoleon, I thank you. To spare you the history lesson, I’m going to recount my own experience upon the arch. Ascending to the top was no small task for my lazy self, but I found that once I reached the summit (if I may call it that) I did not regret the exercise I had gotten. The entire span of the city of Paris becomes visible and within a few strides, you can see Sacré Cour, the Eiffel Tower and loads of other landmarks. The tree lined streets disappear into metropolitan mazes as pedestrians perambulate onward in every direction. It is a beautiful scene from so high, only to be trumped by the view from the Eiffel Tower. But c’mon. This is to be expected from that enormous phallic symbol of France, and not as much from the modest square that is the Arc de Trimphe (I kid, I kid!) It frames Champs Elysées nicely and you can almost see the money being incinerated below as people walk out of Dolce and Gabbana or Luis Vuitton stores in that horrendous shopping district. In a word, this homage to the republic is extravagant.

http://arc-de-triomphe.monuments-nationaux.fr/en/

Parc Floral: Excellent Concert Venue, Resplendent Garden, Chest Hair Gallery

What better place to enjoy an afternoon of jazz in Paris? Surrounded by verdant flora under Lapis Lazuli skies, Parc Floral is host to myriad shirtless Frenchmen and conversely, great jazz concerts. This is not to say that a shirtless Frenchman is excluded from being a great jazz musician, but in this case most of the performers exuded a bit more class. A wonderful picnic area, I found myself entranced by the lush environment as I saw weekend after weekend of jazz shows to the tune of 2€50 (demi tarif). I was able to see the same bands I would see in the United States, except there I would have had to pay somewhere around $20 (ouch.) For this reason alone, I fell in love with Parc Floral. Despite the half-naked Frenchmen, I was able to ignore them and focus on the performances that were undoubtedly inspired by the serene habitat and enthusiastic crowd. The highlight for me was discovering a new Parisian artist named Pierre de Bethmann who I will assuredly name my cat after one day. His compositions were incredible and I could not have had a much better time anywhere else in Paris. If you ever get the chance to see an outdoor concert at Parc Floral, bring some cheese, some bread and a couple bottles of wine and simply bask in the glory of it. It wouldn’t hurt to bring a can of mace either, but that is optional.

http://www.parcfloraldeparis.com/parc_floral.html

The Pantheón: Keep Your Panties On For This One… Voltaire Is Buried Here.

I apologize for that most distasteful headline, but I could not resist. I have read that the Pantheón was the city’s first major tourist attraction. For most of the 19th century before the Eiffel Tower even existed, tourists would flock to see this iconic gothic building. Nestled in the lovely Latin Quarter, this structure displays the familiar ornamental sculptures and enormous pillars at its entrance. Additionally, The Pantheón has become the classiest necropolis in town over the years. Home to the mortal remains of many noteworthy authors and philosophers, generals and statesman, scientists and other famous nerds such as Voltaire (as previously mentioned), Alexandre Dumas and Victor Hugo. Like many of the sights I have seen in Paris, this one did not fall short of my expectations. I find that pretty much everywhere I go in this town, I am continually stunned by the artistry and utter care that has gone into maintaining national identity through the preservation of such beautiful cultural landmarks. That and being very uppity about who gets to speak their language, but that’s a different story altogether. I’m afraid my Franglais/Franglish is simply not up to par yet.

http://pantheon.monuments-nationaux.fr/en/?fl_r=4

Notre Dame: Yes, The Giant Holy-Looking Guy In the Throne is Jesus.

Ah oui, oui. This cathedral is one of the most striking landmarks in all of Paris. In Ile de la Cité, this beautiful piece of history has stood for a span of many centuries. It is so old, that if it were a person, it would be dead roughly 900+ years ago. Built in the 12th century and onward for some 200 years, this structure has survived many wars and even the French Revolution, in which it sustained significant damages. Fortunately disasters didn’t threaten the overall integrity of the church (structurally… ahem) and after several renovations, it looks fantastic. The time and care that must have been put into carving each and every statue on the building is absolutely mind-boggling to consider. Built as an extravagant tribute to God its resonant bells chime on Sundays, still managing to inspire reverence in millions of faithful visitors while providing a rude awakening for myriad drunken Parisians snoring away their Sunday morning booze-snooze. Perhaps my fondest memory of the Notre Dame was the respectful veneration of a religious landmark a la one corpulent Southern woman. I could not help but cringe as she bellowed across the pavilion to her children, “HAY, WHERE’S JEEZUHH…? OH WAIT! THAYR’S JEEZIZ!!! LEMME GET A PICSHUR OF ‘IM!” Aside from these instances, the Notre Dame is gorgeous and remains mostly unsullied by the ignorant blathering-ons of tourists. Plus, the gargoyles are badass.

http://notre-dame-de-paris.monuments-nationaux.fr/en/?fl_r=4

Le Grande Arche: Not Your Great-Great-Great Grandfather’s Grande Arche

One my first sight-seeing destinations in Paris, Le Grande Arche de la Fraternite is a stunning modern rendition of Napoleon’s Arc de Triomphe de l’Etoile in Champs Elysées. Situated in Europe’s largest commercial district (La Defense), this monument was constructed to honor humanity, rather than to glorify victories in battle. While this giant edifice is far less ornate than many of the more historic buildings in Paris, I was absolutely amazed by it’s sheer size and dominating presence amidst the uncommon skyscrapers in La Defense. I can recall trotting out of the metro in search of fresh air (because the metro tunnels smell like the baaaad kind of eau de toilette) and being stopped in my tracks as I gazed upward. I was not expecting such a contemporary piece in an already contemporary district. My first impressions of the city of romance lived up to the ridiculously stereotypical image that has been propagated through the centuries. Imagine old men in berets and striped shirts bustling down the street with baguettes in hand and cigarettes in their mouths, cursing futilely at the ominous rain clouds. Thankfully, the benevolent city of Paris did not disappoint, leaving little for me to imagine of such characters. Seeing jazz legend Ahmad Jamal perform in La Defense was indeed a stark contrast and a departure from the Paris I had familiarized myself with, but indeed was not an unwelcome one. It is certainly worth a visit, if not for the arch and modern architecture, but also the distinctively vibrant Merot sculptures in the plaza. C’est bon.

http://www.grandearche.com/